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Reconciling after Divorce is Finalized

rekindled-love.jpgThose who haven't been too jaded by divorce may choose to re-marry again. Perhaps they now know what they are looking for (or certain characteristics they are trying to avoid) in a partner or they are simply in a difference stage of life and ready for another go at marriage. But after all of the time, money and emotions that many couples go through to get divorced, the last thing you would probably expect is for that couple to give their relationship another try after their divorce has already been finalized and they have been restored to single status.

Believe it or not, people change, circumstances change, and sometimes ex-spouses are actually able to rekindle their flame post-divorce. If you are thinking about remarrying your ex, then you not only need to proceed with caution, but you also need to become educated on how your reconciliation or re-marriage will affect your divorce decree. Reconciliation after the divorce judgment has been finalized and entered by the court may require the assistance of an experienced family law attorney.

remarrying-your-ex.jpgIf you decide to re-marry your ex-husband, you may be surprised to know that not all of the provisions in your divorce decree are necessarily negated by your re-marriage. For example, many divorce judgments have a provision whereby the former spouse has waived the right to inherit from the other spouse. Remarriage to that same spouse does not void the divorce judgment, so a new estate plan will need to be considered. Spousal support is another tricky issue with regard to remarriage after a divorce judgment. If the divorce judgment includes a provision for one spouse to pay the other spousal support, when the parties remarry the spousal support will be terminated. However, if the spousal support had already ceased before remarriage, and the parties remarry but divorce a second time, then the Court might only take into consideration the length of the second marriage, rather than the combination of the first and second marriages to the same person. As discussed in my blog entitled "Reconciling after Filing for Divorce but Before Divorce is Finalized," the division of your assets and calculation of support may be significantly affected by filing for divorce a second time after reconciliation or re-marriage to the same person.

It would behoove you to consult with an experienced San Diego divorce attorney before you re-marry your ex-spouse and determine exactly which provisions of your divorce decree will survive your re-marriage. Hopefully the second time is a charm and your reconciliation is not a temporary fix. But in any case, if you have taken steps towards protecting yourself, your family and your finances, you will be better off.

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Reconciling after Filing for Divorce but Before Divorce is Finalized

reconciling-before-divorce-final.jpgDeciding to file for divorce or legal separation is a huge decision for any married individual. By the time that person actually gets enough courage to sit down with a divorce attorney and sign the Petition for Dissolution of Marriage or Petition for Legal Separation, his or her mind is typically made up. But what happens if somewhere along the way, a miracle happens and the couple reconciles? Is it too late to pull the plug on the divorce and live happily ever after?

It may come as a surprise, but it is not uncommon for couples to decide to forgo the divorce action and give their marriage another shot. Perhaps they felt forced to file for divorce at the time or the issues they had with their spouse have been resolved. Whatever the reason may be, if a couple is going to make a good faith attempt at reconciliation they need to be open to change and willing to examine the mistakes they have made in their relationship in the past. Forgiveness is also a big part of the reconciliation process. It is advised that a couple establish a timeline for their reconciliation, write down their relationship goals, and talk about their issues often. It is vital that neither spouse has an ulterior purpose for the reconciliation.

reconciling-with-your-ex.jpgIf a couple decides to reconcile after filing for divorce but before their divorce has been finalized (i.e. a judgment entered by the court), there are a few options on how to proceed. First, if the couple is just beginning the reconciliation process but there is an upcoming hearing on calendar, the parties may seek a continuance to get the hearing pushed out to a later date. However, the court will ensure that the continuance is not sought in bad faith or simply to unnecessarily delay the divorce. If you think that you and your spouse are on the road to a full reconciliation, but you aren't 100% sure, then you might prefer to stipulate (written agreement between both parties) to exempt your case for a certain period of time. This means that the court will essentially put your case on hold and suspend temporary orders that are in effect.

If the parties are sure about their reconciliation and absolutely no longer want to get divorced, they can choose to dismiss their divorce action altogether but without prejudice. This means that they would not be precluded from or penalized for filing another Petition for Divorce at a later date, if the reconciliation falls through for some reason. However, if a spouse decides to file for divorce later on down the road then it is very important to keep in mind that the date of separation will be different. Pushing out the date of separation to a later date can significantly affect division of assets and calculation of support and should be considered carefully before deciding to dismiss a divorce action. An experienced divorce attorney can advise you on your best course of action.

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I Filed for Divorce - Can I Change My Mind?

dismiss-divorce.JPGIt is not uncommon for spouses who have filed for divorce to question their decision to end the marriage multiple times throughout the process. Getting a divorce is life-changing for both spouses. Sometimes, after one or both parties realize the implications of divorce, they begin to reconsider whether their differences are really "irreconcilable". If you have filed for divorce, but would like to take a step back from the proceeding to reassess your decision, there are a few options to consider.

Reconciliation: If you and your spouse have made the decision to reconcile and no longer wish to pursue a divorce, you may dismiss your divorce petition. Once you dismiss your divorce case your proceeding will end, but neither side will receive a refund of any fees or costs expended pursuing a divorce. This is an important consideration because if the divorce petition is dismissed, but you later decide to re-file for divorce, both parties will have to pay their respective $435.00 filing fees just to file their initial paperwork.

Legal Separation: If you are not ready to obtain a divorce, but also are not interested in reconciliation, you have the option to convert your divorce petition into a petition for legal separation. Through the legal separation process, the parties can obtain similar orders as through the divorce process such as support orders, custody and visitation orders and property division orders. After making a request for legal separation, the court will continue to track your case setting status conferences and encouraging you and your spouse move through the system. If you change your mind later, you also have the option to revert back to the divorce process and terminate your marital status.

dismiss-divorce-petition.JPGSuspend the Proceedings: While parties are attempting to decide whether to continue with the divorce or legal separation process, they have the option to suspend the divorce process through agreement. The parties or their attorneys can prepare a stipulation and order that is filed with the court that will put the entire case on hold. Divorce litigants are not be required to fulfill deadlines and make court appearances while their divorce case is suspended. You may also want to suspend the proceedings if you and your spouse have decided to get a divorce, but cannot actively participate in the process. Parties may agree to suspend the divorce process for medical reasons, work-related concerns, or even issues related to their minor children.
If you are trying to navigate the procedural options for your divorce, it is important to consult with an experienced family law attorney to learn the implications of each option.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger & Maria Shriver Still Not Divorced?

Calfornia SummerIn the summer of 2011 news broke of Arnold Schwarzenegger's affair with his housekeeper and of the child he had with his mistress. His wife, Maria Shriver, was reportedly devastated and ashamed. As Shriver is a Kennedy and comes from a long line of women who stood by their husbands notwithstanding infidelity, the world waited to see if she would forgive Schwarzenegger. Eventually, two months after Schwarzenegger's secret life was uncovered, Shriver instructed her attorney to file for divorce.

The former couple reportedly sorted out their financial and custody affairs quickly considering the size of their fortune, an estimated $400 million. Schwarzenegger and Shriver were married for twenty five years. Considering the substantial length of the marriage it is likely that the $400 million is all community property. Community property consists of all assets and earnings accumulated by the parties between the date of marriage and the date of separation. As divorce attorneys will advise their clients, unless a premarital or prenuptial agreement is in place all community property is divided equally between the parties. As the principles of community property are clearly set forth in the family code, Schwarzenegger and Shriver likely did not have much to argue about when it came to settlement.

Although all of the necessary issues have been resolved in the Schwarzenegger-Shriver divorce, the two are still married. A divorce is not final until a Judgment of Dissolution is entered by the court. A Judgment of Dissolution can be entered pursuant to a Marital Settlement Agreement entered into by the parties voluntarily or by court ordered pursuant to a trial on all disputed issues. Thus far, neither Schwarzenegger nor Shriver has instructed their divorce attorneys to take the final step to file their agreement with the court and have a Judgment entered. There are a few lines of speculation regarding why the couple has not made their divorce official.

It is rumored that Shriver is struggling with her Catholic faith and its prohibition on divorce. Some guess that the parties are in no hurry to finalize their paperwork because they have enough money such that remaining legally married has little to no effect on their daily lives. However, the most popular theory is that Schwarzenegger and Shriver still love each other and are hesitating to end their marriage until they are certain they won't reconcile. Schwarzenegger has publicly expressed his regret for how he treated his wife and children in the past and was optimistic that he and Shriver would be together again. Rumors surfaced as recently as March 2012 that the parties were attending couple's counseling together.

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Tiger Woods Reconciling with Elin Nordegren?

If you have as much money as Tiger Woods, maybe it can buy you love. After a massive cheating scandal broke in late 2009, Elin Nordegren filed for divorce from her successful golf star husband, Tiger Woods. In a record-breaking settlement, Nordegren walked away from her marriage with $750 million. In return for her cash pay-out, Nordegren agreed to never publicly speak out about Woods' affairs with over twenty different women. Despite their incredibly public divorce, just over two years after the couple reached a global settlement, Woods' again proposed marriage to Nordegren.


Apparently Woods is not satisfied with his not-so-new found single lifestyle. His friends say he is incredibly unhappy without his family and has not managed to hold a steady girlfriend since Nordegren. Although Woods has dated several other models since his divorce, he hasn't recovered from his split with Nordegren. On or around Christmas 2012, Woods got down on one knee, presented her with a ring, and "re-proposed" to his former wife. Nordegren is considering Woods' proposal, but only on the condition that he agree to include a $350 million anti-cheating clause in their prenuptial agreement. Reportedly, Woods has no problem agreeing to Nordegren's condition despite the fact that his accountants think he is crazy. Woods is ready to sign on the dotted line, set a wedding date, and return back to his former married life.

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California is a "no fault" state. This means that in a San Diego divorce proceeding infidelity is irrelevant when dividing assets and debts, setting spousal and/or child support, and determining custody and visitation rights of the parties. Despite this default rule, parties have the ability to agree to abide by different rules. As in the Woods-Nordegren reconciliation, parties can agree to put an "anti-cheating" provision in a premarital agreement. Under such a provision, a spouse would be punished if he or she was unfaithful during marriage. If no such provision existed, neither party could be punished by the courts for infidelity. There are strict rules that a divorce attorney must follow when drafting any agreement, especially a premarital agreement, in order to have it enforceable by the courts. It is important to contact an experienced family law attorney to draft any contracts between spouses.

If you are considering divorce in San Diego, a legal separation from your spouse, or have questions regarding scheduling a consultation, contact us here. Nancy J. Bickford is the only divorce lawyer in San Diego representing clients who is a Certified Family Law Specialist (CFLS), and who is actively licensed as a Certified Public Accountant (CPA). Don't settle for less when determining your rights. Call us today 858-793-8884 for more information about our divorce attorneys in San Diego.

Will an Attempt at Reconciliation Change the Character of Property?

1210666_band_aid.jpgIf you are a fan of Who's the Boss? star Tony Danza, you may recall that in 2006 he separated from his wife, Tracy. Four and a half years later, Tony Danza has filed for divorce according to

As a San Diego divorce lawyer, I have had clients in similar situations; specifically, clients who have waited some length of time after separating to file for divorce. Although I do not know the reason Tony Danza personally waited to file for divorce, sometimes parties wait to file for divorce because they are attempting reconciliation. In my work as a San Diego family law attorney, I have been asked how an attempt at reconciliation effects how property is divided, and specifically how an attempt at reconciliation effects how a spouse's earnings will be characterized by a court, that is as separate property or community property.

Generally, except as otherwise provided by statue, all property, real or personal, wherever situated, acquired by a married person during the marriage while domiciled in this state is community property. Family Code section 760. One such statutory exception is that earnings and accumulations of a spouse while living separate and apart from the other spouse are separate property. Family Code section 771.

Accordingly, once parties separate, their earnings after the date of separation will generally be characterized as separate property. An "attempt" at reconciliation should have no effect because it is, by its nature, only an attempt, assuming the parties remain living separate and apart. However, as a practical matter, the spouse who stands to benefit from a later date of separation may argue, depending on the facts, that the parties not only attempted reconciliation, but that they actually reconciled. Therefore, an attempt at reconciliation may put date of separation, and thus the character of property, at issue.

It can benefit some individuals, depending on the facts of their case, to enter into a written agreement specifying that reconciliation is being attempted only and preserving the date of separation.