Thinking about or talking about the possibility of divorce is very different than actually taking affirmative steps to file for divorce in Family Court. Moving forward with this step can take a significant amount of mental and emotional strength. If you’re still in the thinking or talking stages of a potential divorce, ask yourself the following questions to help determine if you are ready to take the next step and file for divorce from your spouse.
1. Are you Facing a Hard or Soft Problem?
The need for a divorce may be more immediate if you are in a situation where you are facing a “hard problem” as marital therapists like to call it. “Hard problems” include situations in which you are facing abuse from your spouse or your spouse has an untreated addiction. If this is the case, you may want to act fast and stop just dwelling on the possibility of divorce. However, if you are facing a “soft problem” maybe you need more time to decide if you and your spouse can work on the problem or if a divorce is the preferable option. “Soft problems” include things such as feeling as if you’ve grown apart from your spouse, that you’re unhappy in the relationship or that you aren’t in love anymore.
2. Are You and Your Spouse Even Compatible?
What are your odds of succeeding as a married couple? Perhaps taking a “Rate Your Mate” quiz (http://www.divorcenet.com/interest/rate-mate-compatibility-divorce-test.htm) will help you determine if you’re destined for doom, in which case you might as well just go ahead and prepare those divorce papers. The “Rate Your Mate” quiz tests areas such as common interests, money, mutual respect and personal safety, which are common issues that many couples face.
3. Should You Stay Together for the Kids?
There are two opposing schools of thought: 1) stay together because divorce is destructive to children; or 2) get a divorce because if the parents are happier the children will ultimately be happier. If you are contemplating divorce and you have children with your spouse then you should think about whether it’s in your children’s best interest if you stay with your spouse or split. Many couples prefer to wait until their children have turned 18 and left for college before they decide to get a divorce. But if your children are young, this might not be a realistic option for you. Also, if your marriage is filled with havoc and constant fighting then staying together for the kids might actually be hurting, rather than helping your kids.
4. Are You Ready to Part With Some of Your Stuff?
Your house, your cars, your furniture and furnishings…these are all things that were likely acquired during your marriage and will be subject to division during a divorce. Getting a divorce means parting with some or all of these “things” in order to divide assets with your spouse. For instance, in many divorces, where one party cannot afford to keep the home and “buy out” the spouse, the family home will need to be listed for sale. Even though you can likely negotiate with your spouse to keep certain items or assets, you will need to accept the reality of parting with some of your stuff. If this idea seems too traumatic for you then you should re-evaluate whether or not a divorce is the route that you want to take.
Please contact us if you are considering a divorce from your spouse, a legal separation, or have questions regarding the process of filing for divorce. Nancy J. Bickford is the only attorney in San Diego County representing clients in divorces, who is a Certified Family Law Specialist (CFLS) and who is actively licensed as a Certified Public Accountant (CPA). Don’t settle for less when determining your rights. Call 858-793-8884 in Del Mar, Carmel Valley, North County or San Diego.