When a couple decides to get a legal separation or divorce, it doesn’t necessarily mean that one party has to rush to pack up his/her belongings and leave the marital home right away. In fact, the parties can still establish a date of separation even if they are still living under the same roof. However, living together while separated might be a bit tricky and uncomfortable for most couples. There are certain things they should and should not do to make this uncomfortable situation a bit more bearable.
From a legal perspective, the date of separation is the first date when either party subjectively (i.e. mentally) decided that the marriage was over and not salvageable and their overt actions demonstrate that subjective frame of mind. Living separate and apart from your spouse is not required in order to establish a date of separation so long as the at least one spouse has the subjective intent to end the marriage and his/her actions indicate that the marriage is finished. Courts will consider a variety of things to determine the spouse’s intent.
If both parties are staying in the marital home while they are separated and pending resolution of their legal separation or divorce, there is likely going to be a lot of tension. To mitigate the tension, it is recommended that the parties adopt some or all of the following tips:
1. Don’t bring a new girlfriend/boyfriend into the mix. The cause of your divorce or legal separation might be due to your newfound love for another person. There is no need to put salt in the wound. But if you are adamant about dating someone new while still living with your spouse, be discreet about it
2. Create Guidelines for Interaction. If you’re still living with your spouse while separated then you need to discuss items of daily living and interaction. This means that you two need to sit down and discuss how bills will get paid, whether or not you will share groceries, who will clean the house, etc. To the extent possible, many couples choose to just maintain the status quo of how things were handled during the marriage.
3. Consider going to a therapist. Having a neutral third party mental health professional help walk you through the stages of divorce can help you process things both emotionally and logistically.
4. Consider a nesting arrangement. Sometimes the tension and awkwardness is just too much too handle. If so, consider a nesting cutody arrangement as described in my previous blog entitled “Is a Nesting Custody Arrangement Right for Me?”
Please contact us if you are considering a divorce from your spouse, a legal separation, or have questions regarding child custody and visitation. Nancy J. Bickford is the only Certified Family Law Specialist (CFLS) in San Diego County who is also a licensed Certified Public Accountant (CPA) with a Master of Business Administration (MBA). Don’t settle for less when determining your rights. Call 858-793-8884 in Del Mar, Carmel Valley, North County or San Diego.