How to Bring Up a Prenup Discussion with Your Partner

How to Bring Up a Prenup Discussion with Your Partner

How to Bring Up a Prenup Discussion with Your PartnerNo one plans for their marriage to end in divorce, but some people like to be prepared for things. A prenuptial agreement is like marriage insurance. No one plans to be in an accident, but some people take out a full coverage insurance policy to be prepared.

If you have assets going into marriage, the sensible and responsible thing to do is to protect those assets by developing a prenuptial agreement. Chances are you’ll never need to use your prenuptial agreement, but if you do, you’ll be glad it’s there.

Bringing Up a Prenuptial Agreement with Your Fiancé

Some people find it difficult to bring up the topic of marital agreements with their soon-to-be spouse. They fear it will spark an argument, hurt feelings, or put an end to their upcoming wedding that is likely already being planned. The reality is that it is a difficult topic to bring up, much less have a conversation about.

Ideally, the earlier in the relationship that you feel comfortable bringing up the discussion of prenuptial agreements, the better. By getting a feel for their stand on a marital contract early on, you have time to find common ground to resolve disagreements on the subject.

If you believe having a prenup is important for your relationship but can’t find the right time to mention it to your fiancé or future fiancé, below are some pointers that may help your efforts.

  • Accept the fact that it will be an awkward conversation at first
  • Don’t approach the conversation from a demanding place, but approach it as a suggestion and a topic you want to hear their thoughts on
  • Make a list of things you want to discuss together before getting married, and casually include a prenup on the list
  • Choose the right time to discuss, not when you’re walking out the door to go to work
  • Explain a prenup is an empowering way to enter marriage because it protects both spouses
  • Be open and honest about your reasons for wanting an agreement
  • Make your partner feel safe to express their feelings about it
  • Don’t get angry or anxious if they reject the idea initially
  • Stay calm–they will be more likely to listen if you communicate in a non-aggressive way
  • If your conversation does turn into a heated conflict, let it go and try again another time
  • It may also be effective to mention that there is a very small chance it will ever see the light of day

Once you have your partner’s attention and they are listening, explain that, essentially, the purpose of a prenup is to allow the couple to override California law and write their own terms of marriage. It’s like the fine print of wedding vows. Explain that it would be something you do together, and it would be on terms that you specifically make together.

If you can convince your partner to meet with a CA family law premarital agreement attorney just to talk about what it means to sign a prenup legally, it would be helpful. After all, it is a legal contract, and a lawyer can answer all the questions you and your future spouse may have. Most people don’t really know what a prenup truly is and the benefits it can offer both parties.

You may also want to be careful saying certain things that may be taken the wrong way or hurt your partner’s feelings. Some things to avoid are listed below.

  • Indicating that going through with the marriage is contingent on your partner’s signature on a prenup
  • Insinuating your parents are making you get a prenup
  • Insinuating it is because you wished you had one when you divorced your ex
  • Pushing your partner into agreeing to a prenup in spite of their resistance
  • Rushing your partner to make a decision without talking to an attorney about their concerns
  • Pressuring your partner by means of threats or bartering (e.g., Saying, “I won’t do this if you refuse to sign a prenup.” or, “I will do this if you will sign a prenup.”)

Tips for Developing Your Prenuptial Agreement in California


Q: Does Cheating Void a Prenup?

A: A prenup will only be voided if one party cheating is specifically included within a clause in the document that states if one party cheats, it voids the prenup. A prenuptial agreement is a way to avoid the divorce laws that apply to everyone and to write your own terms of divorce only to be applied in the event you get divorced.

Q: Do Both My Spouse and I Need an Attorney for a Prenuptial Agreement?

A: It is not required for both spouses to have an attorney when drawing up a prenup. However, it is advised that you both have your own legal representation because the courts will scrutinize your contract before making it official, and if it too heavily supports one party over the other, it will be rejected by the court. Furthermore, the same attorney cannot legally represent both parties.

Q: What Cannot Be Included in a Prenup?

A: There are five restrictions imposed on a prenup under California law. Child support agreements, child custody agreements, alimony agreements, everyday household issues, and anything that is otherwise illegal or involves either spouse breaking the law.

Q: How Much Does a Prenup Attorney Cost in California?

A: A prenup attorney costs anywhere from $1,000 to $3,000 or more, depending on the location and complexity of the document and the situation of the parties involved. This would be the cost for legal representation of one spouse and includes drafting the necessary document.

Get Started on Your Prenup with a Reputable Family Law Attorney

If you are considering signing a prenup or if your soon-to-be spouse has asked you to sign a prenup, the first thing you should do is speak to an experienced California family law attorney about retaining their legal services. Bickford Blado & Botros can answer any questions you have about marital contracts.

Contact the legal team of Bickford Blado & Botros sooner rather than later to get started on your prenuptial agreement.



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