The Reality of Divorce PTSD

Divorce is often talked about as a legal process, referencing a set of documents, court dates, and custody schedules. However, for many adults, divorce can shake their sense of safety, identity, and trust, leaving emotional wounds that feel more like trauma than just heartache. Legally, people tend to focus on the logistical divorce process and assume it is over after these tasks are completed. However, there is a reality to divorce PTSD that affects many divorced individuals.

What Is PTSD?

PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) typically occurs after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event that results in intense fear, helplessness, or horror. While PTSD is commonly associated with combat veterans or survivors of violent events, psychologists now understand that the end of a marriage, especially one involving betrayal, abuse, or sudden abandonment, can cause symptoms that meet the clinical definition of trauma.

A divorce in and of itself does not commonly result in PTSD, but other factors present in the divorce can stimulate symptoms related to it. In one study, nearly half of divorced individuals experienced partial or full PTSD after their divorce.

Contributing Factors to Divorce PTSD

Living in San Diego can be a dream, but it can also bring about additional stress, especially financially. In San Diego, the cost of living is 146.5% more expensive than the national average and 13.6% higher than the state average. This can be especially stressful for divorced individuals who go from a two-income household to one. Child custody stress, attorney fees, and court proceedings can contribute to this financial stress.

Some symptoms to be mindful of when determining if you or a loved one is suffering from divorce PTSD include:

• Flashbacks or intrusive memories of fights, court battles, or infidelity
• Avoidance of people, places, or reminders of the ex
• Emotional numbing or extreme anxiety
• Insomnia, irritability, or panic attacks
• Difficulty trusting others or forming new relationships

Many adults don’t expect to feel traumatized by divorce, but the emotional toll can feel like a death, not just of a relationship but of a shared future, a family unit, or even a personal identity. You may have to leave your home, live separately from your children part-time, or rebuild your social life from scratch.

Why the Law Doesn’t Recognize Divorce PTSD

Despite a growing awareness of emotional trauma after divorce, the law still doesn’t formally recognize divorce-related PTSD as a factor in most family court decisions. That’s because the legal system is built to address objective facts such as custody schedules, income, and assets, not subjective mental health struggles unless they significantly impact parenting ability or safety.

In California, when it comes to children, the courts prioritize the best interests of the child. Mental health may be considered only if it directly affects parenting capacity. So even if one parent is suffering from debilitating anxiety or trauma symptoms due to the divorce, it often doesn’t weigh into custody or support rulings unless there’s a formal diagnosis and clear evidence that it impairs their ability to care for the child.

In addition to this, divorce in California is usually a no-fault process. This means the court is not concerned with who caused emotional harm during the marriage or breakup. That can feel incredibly invalidating for someone experiencing PTSD caused by betrayal, gaslighting, or emotional abuse that doesn’t meet the legal threshold for domestic violence.

Legal Options That Can Assist With Divorce PTSD

While the law may not offer many options to assist with divorce PTSD, there are legal steps you can take to help ease the traumatic associations with the divorce. At Andrew J. Botros, APC, we prioritize the following:

• Conflict-reducing custody plans
• Mediation over litigation, where possible
• Clear documentation to avoid repeated disputes
• Courtroom preparation that reduces emotional shocks

By taking a compassionate legal approach, we support your emotional recovery while protecting your rights.

About Andrew J. Botros, APC

Located in the heart of San Diego, Andrew J. Botros, APC is a premier family law firm known for blending legal excellence with emotional intelligence. Andrew J. Botros, a Certified Family Law Specialist and appellate attorney since 2010, is a Fellow of both the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and the International Academy of Family Lawyers and has served as President of the San Diego Family Law Bar Association.

Matthew S. Blado, also a Board‑Certified Family Law Specialist, brings over 16 years of experience, including judicial externship and founding service to underserved San Diegans. Together, they help guide families through legal procedures, offering them peace of mind.

FAQs

Q: What’s the Difference Between Being Sad About My Divorce and Divorce PTSD?

A: The difference between being sad about your divorce and having divorce PTSD is that everyone feels pain after a divorce, but PTSD goes beyond sadness. If you’re experiencing nightmares, intrusive memories, panic attacks, or avoiding anything related to your ex, it could be trauma. The key difference is how long it lasts and whether it’s interfering with your daily life. A therapist can help you tell the difference.

Q: How Long Does Divorce PTSD Last?

A: The length of time that divorce PTSD lasts varies for each person. For some, symptoms ease within a few months. For others, especially if the divorce involved emotional abuse, betrayal, or drawn-out legal battles, it could take years. The good news is that many people fully recover and rebuild strong, healthy lives and relationships with the right treatment.

Q: Can Divorce PTSD Be Triggered by the Legal Process Itself?

A: Yes, divorce PTSD can be triggered by the legal process itself. Court hearings, depositions, and even just receiving legal notices can retraumatize you, especially if the divorce was high in conflict. Many clients report symptoms worsening during litigation. That’s why trauma-informed legal representation matters; it protects your rights and your emotional well-being throughout the process.

Q: What Causes Divorce PTSD?

A: Divorce PTSD is often caused by experiences that overwhelm your emotional coping system, like betrayal, emotional abuse, sudden abandonment, or a high-conflict legal battle. The trauma isn’t just about the breakup itself, but how it happened. When your sense of safety, trust, or identity is shattered, your brain can respond as if you’ve survived a traumatic event, triggering symptoms that linger long after the divorce is final.

Contact Andrew J. Botros, APC Today

If you are going through a divorce, you do not have to face the process alone. Andrew J. Botros, APC can help you during this legal process. Contact us today to speak with a representative.

 

Feel Free to Contact Our Office with Any Questions

858-793-8884